Anger Management
Anger Management – Tame the Monster
Recently an 11 yr young boy approached me to help him to control his anger. He said he wanted to learn to control anger as it was causing many problems for him like inability to make friends, conflicts with his teachers, issues with his mother.
I must say that the boy really has a very high level of introspection and support from his parents to identify his problem at such a young age and be able to seek help.
Statistics show that we all have experienced anger at some point or the other in our lives and some of us experience it quite frequently with the intensity which leaves behind scars for out near and dear ones and for us.
Can we understand and identify Anger
Anger is just like any other emotion that we experience. It cannot be called a positive emotion, however as long as it does not disturb the day to day life of an individual, its occurrence is considered to be normal. It is only when the frequency and the intensity of its occurrence increases, then one needs to seek help.
Just like other emotions anger too has physiological changes. When one gets angry the blood pressure and the heart rate goes up along with the levels of adrenaline and non adrenaline.
It is important to understand what happens to the body when one becomes angry. In a moment of anger, one would experience muscle tension, grinding of teeth and teeth clenching, ringing in the ears, flushing, higher blood pressure, chest pains, excessive sweating, chills, severe headaches or migraines.
With chronic anger people can also experience peptic ulcers, constipation, diarrhoea, intestinal cramping, hiccups, chronic indigestion, heart attacks, strokes, kidney problems, obesity, and frequent colds. Medical experts have found the heart muscle is affected by anger, and anger can actually reduce the heart's ability to properly pump blood.
Many teenagers who get angry very easily do not have many friends. If one remains angry and upset long after the episode is over, then it leaves a person exhausted as a lot of energy is utilized in returning back to normal. Individuals with low emotional quotient tend to experience this more often.
Why would one react with anger?
Quite often it has been observed that children learn to be angry from their surroundings. They observe and copy their parents or elders around in their reactions. If we look around adults, teachers, movies, serials, there are live examples of dealing with a situation with rage or anger. Children view this and learn to express their irritation with anger. This can vary from minor tantrums to fits of rage.
Today aggressive behaviour is often considered as necessary by many to be able to survive in this competitive world. However one cannot physically and verbally resort to this method. It is also very essential to learn the assertive skills rather than use aggressive methods. Teaching children to be firm and specific is far healthy than encouraging them to be aggressive.
The emotion of anger is also generally suppressed by the parents by anger itself. For eg. If a child gets angry the parents raises the voice further in anger and asks the child to not get angry. This leaves the child with a mixed message. The interpretation is you as a child are not supposed to show anger however I as an adult can get angry with you. The right way would be to teach the calming effect. If the adult responds to the anger with calmness, the anger subsides and the lesson taught is to be calm.
Suppressed anger can also have psychological effects, causing depression, eating disorders, addictions, nightmares, insomnia, self-destructive behaviour, and can cause disruptions in the way a person relates to others.
Individuals with fragile ego are more likely to get angry at the slightest of threat to the ego. Anger stems from ego and therefore the virtue of humility needs to be instilled at a very early age. The Indian greeting “Namaste” is the best way of learning to be humble. The word “Namaste”, the posture, the folding of hands, all teaches the body and the mind to be free of ego and pride.
How can this emotion be managed
A very common technique used by many is counting from 1-10. However it has not worked in cases where individuals have frequent occurrences and are not introspective.
It is essential to be aware of our feelings all the time, thus we get the warning signals of when the emotion is turning from mild to moderate to severe.
To deal with situations in our lives it is important that we understand the cause of our anger. This process is called as self introspection. Many individuals have a very low frustration level, cannot take no for an answer, can’t stand criticism or have an environment which is chaotic and full of problems. When one learns to understand the triggers, one can follow the steps given below:
Learn Progressive Muscular Relaxation where the mind gives suggestions to the body starting from toes and slowly moving up to the head asking every muscle in the body gently and lovingly to relax, relax, relax.
Get into the positive mode of thinking. The mind gets irrational and illogical when anger controls the mind. Use the auto suggestion technique like repeating many times during the day “I am Calm Peaceful Loving Intelligent Person”
It is also very essential to give anger and aggression a constructive mode like indulging in a sport, participating in games and competitions. Swimming is an excellent sport as it also has the breathing technique.
Deep breathing exercises or Pranayam is an excellent technique to control anger. Besides controlling anger the breathing exercises also help in immunity and good health.
Yogic Asanas like Saavasan are excellent for anger management with a combination of laughter exercises.
Talking to the near and dear ones about the feelings and the areas which are disturbing in life would help release pressure and develop a habit of expressing rather than suppressing.
Recently an 11 yr young boy approached me to help him to control his anger. He said he wanted to learn to control anger as it was causing many problems for him like inability to make friends, conflicts with his teachers, issues with his mother.
I must say that the boy really has a very high level of introspection and support from his parents to identify his problem at such a young age and be able to seek help.
Statistics show that we all have experienced anger at some point or the other in our lives and some of us experience it quite frequently with the intensity which leaves behind scars for out near and dear ones and for us.
Can we understand and identify Anger
Anger is just like any other emotion that we experience. It cannot be called a positive emotion, however as long as it does not disturb the day to day life of an individual, its occurrence is considered to be normal. It is only when the frequency and the intensity of its occurrence increases, then one needs to seek help.
Just like other emotions anger too has physiological changes. When one gets angry the blood pressure and the heart rate goes up along with the levels of adrenaline and non adrenaline.
It is important to understand what happens to the body when one becomes angry. In a moment of anger, one would experience muscle tension, grinding of teeth and teeth clenching, ringing in the ears, flushing, higher blood pressure, chest pains, excessive sweating, chills, severe headaches or migraines.
With chronic anger people can also experience peptic ulcers, constipation, diarrhoea, intestinal cramping, hiccups, chronic indigestion, heart attacks, strokes, kidney problems, obesity, and frequent colds. Medical experts have found the heart muscle is affected by anger, and anger can actually reduce the heart's ability to properly pump blood.
Many teenagers who get angry very easily do not have many friends. If one remains angry and upset long after the episode is over, then it leaves a person exhausted as a lot of energy is utilized in returning back to normal. Individuals with low emotional quotient tend to experience this more often.
Why would one react with anger?
Quite often it has been observed that children learn to be angry from their surroundings. They observe and copy their parents or elders around in their reactions. If we look around adults, teachers, movies, serials, there are live examples of dealing with a situation with rage or anger. Children view this and learn to express their irritation with anger. This can vary from minor tantrums to fits of rage.
Today aggressive behaviour is often considered as necessary by many to be able to survive in this competitive world. However one cannot physically and verbally resort to this method. It is also very essential to learn the assertive skills rather than use aggressive methods. Teaching children to be firm and specific is far healthy than encouraging them to be aggressive.
The emotion of anger is also generally suppressed by the parents by anger itself. For eg. If a child gets angry the parents raises the voice further in anger and asks the child to not get angry. This leaves the child with a mixed message. The interpretation is you as a child are not supposed to show anger however I as an adult can get angry with you. The right way would be to teach the calming effect. If the adult responds to the anger with calmness, the anger subsides and the lesson taught is to be calm.
Suppressed anger can also have psychological effects, causing depression, eating disorders, addictions, nightmares, insomnia, self-destructive behaviour, and can cause disruptions in the way a person relates to others.
Individuals with fragile ego are more likely to get angry at the slightest of threat to the ego. Anger stems from ego and therefore the virtue of humility needs to be instilled at a very early age. The Indian greeting “Namaste” is the best way of learning to be humble. The word “Namaste”, the posture, the folding of hands, all teaches the body and the mind to be free of ego and pride.
How can this emotion be managed
A very common technique used by many is counting from 1-10. However it has not worked in cases where individuals have frequent occurrences and are not introspective.
It is essential to be aware of our feelings all the time, thus we get the warning signals of when the emotion is turning from mild to moderate to severe.
To deal with situations in our lives it is important that we understand the cause of our anger. This process is called as self introspection. Many individuals have a very low frustration level, cannot take no for an answer, can’t stand criticism or have an environment which is chaotic and full of problems. When one learns to understand the triggers, one can follow the steps given below:
Learn Progressive Muscular Relaxation where the mind gives suggestions to the body starting from toes and slowly moving up to the head asking every muscle in the body gently and lovingly to relax, relax, relax.
Get into the positive mode of thinking. The mind gets irrational and illogical when anger controls the mind. Use the auto suggestion technique like repeating many times during the day “I am Calm Peaceful Loving Intelligent Person”
It is also very essential to give anger and aggression a constructive mode like indulging in a sport, participating in games and competitions. Swimming is an excellent sport as it also has the breathing technique.
Deep breathing exercises or Pranayam is an excellent technique to control anger. Besides controlling anger the breathing exercises also help in immunity and good health.
Yogic Asanas like Saavasan are excellent for anger management with a combination of laughter exercises.
Talking to the near and dear ones about the feelings and the areas which are disturbing in life would help release pressure and develop a habit of expressing rather than suppressing.
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