Teenagers and Lockdown
TEENAGERS AND LOCKDOWN
When my earlier posts reached across, many parents wrote to me asking for some guidelines to handle teenagers especially when the lockdown got extended.
The very two words do not go together that is teenage and lockdown in other words curfew.
The word curfew for a teenager is associated with punishment and their brain would take a while to accept that this is for containment and not punishment.
No doubt it is a challenge for the parents to first deal with their own schedules and the great challenges emerged out of this lockdown and this can have a double whammy if there is or are teenagers who are experiencing frustration as well.
It is a well known and researched conclusion that our frustrations come out on our lives ones and in the cas of the teenagers it is their parents.
Instead of getting worked up and falling into the arguing and fighting mode, let us get into the solution and harmony mode.
As parents, you first need to accept what they are going through as for teenagers meeting and hanging out with their friends physically is a need. Many parents are thankful today of the phone, though they are still worried regarding the never ending screentime their teens are extracting.
So when a teenager is getting frustrated that they cannot even meet their friends, a good answer would be "I can understand what you are going through". It must be really upsetting for you to even imagine that you shall not go out for the next two or three weeks".
Do not say everyone is going through the same, or this is for the good of our families and the country etc.
Teenagers can be at their best if motivated enough.
So the next best way of getting them to join you in your chores is by putting them incharge of working out the responsibilities instead of announcing what you want them to do. They like to be leaders and making decisions will keep them motivated. They may get a little bossy with a younger sibling, but just guide them to work it out instead of interfering.
Encourage their patience and their creativity. Even if your kitchen is a bit messy, let them do things and in the process you also develop your patience.
Everyone is posting pics and videos of doing things together. Teenagers love social media, so ask them if they want to do the same and a very good incentive would be let us all dress up and pretend to be having dinner as if in a restaurant.
Let them get creative in creating a restaurant environment.
Good communication would be to ask them what they would like to do instead of telling them what to do.
As I said earlier, be a good listener, shower them with praises, when they are moody, let them be alone, have their space and do not rush to giving them solutions for everything.
Teenagers also live to do something for the country, so according to their strength who h could be singing, poetry, drawing, painting, craft etc, make a memory of the lockdown.
Make a creative scrapbook, or song, or movie of pictures and videos from day one till day 40 and make it viral.
Encourage your teenagers also to share what they feel the world can do.
This is not a good time to advice them how to make the most of this opportunity of being home and how much they can learn and make up or catch up on their lost time in studies or learn some hobbies etc. This can create guilt and guilt always boomerangs back in the form of temper tantrums, moodiness and listlessness.
What is very important is you as parents also practice pranayam, meditation and keep your tone positive, your attitude calm and your words full of encouragement.
Both parents need to help each other to keep some time and also sit and talk away from their teenagers on how they are coping and managing.
It is ok to talk to each other about the anger you are feeling at times.
That is call venting out. Be your own Counselors.
You may of course reach out
Write to salmaprabhu7@gmail.com
When my earlier posts reached across, many parents wrote to me asking for some guidelines to handle teenagers especially when the lockdown got extended.
The very two words do not go together that is teenage and lockdown in other words curfew.
The word curfew for a teenager is associated with punishment and their brain would take a while to accept that this is for containment and not punishment.
No doubt it is a challenge for the parents to first deal with their own schedules and the great challenges emerged out of this lockdown and this can have a double whammy if there is or are teenagers who are experiencing frustration as well.
It is a well known and researched conclusion that our frustrations come out on our lives ones and in the cas of the teenagers it is their parents.
Instead of getting worked up and falling into the arguing and fighting mode, let us get into the solution and harmony mode.
As parents, you first need to accept what they are going through as for teenagers meeting and hanging out with their friends physically is a need. Many parents are thankful today of the phone, though they are still worried regarding the never ending screentime their teens are extracting.
So when a teenager is getting frustrated that they cannot even meet their friends, a good answer would be "I can understand what you are going through". It must be really upsetting for you to even imagine that you shall not go out for the next two or three weeks".
Do not say everyone is going through the same, or this is for the good of our families and the country etc.
Teenagers can be at their best if motivated enough.
So the next best way of getting them to join you in your chores is by putting them incharge of working out the responsibilities instead of announcing what you want them to do. They like to be leaders and making decisions will keep them motivated. They may get a little bossy with a younger sibling, but just guide them to work it out instead of interfering.
Encourage their patience and their creativity. Even if your kitchen is a bit messy, let them do things and in the process you also develop your patience.
Everyone is posting pics and videos of doing things together. Teenagers love social media, so ask them if they want to do the same and a very good incentive would be let us all dress up and pretend to be having dinner as if in a restaurant.
Let them get creative in creating a restaurant environment.
Good communication would be to ask them what they would like to do instead of telling them what to do.
As I said earlier, be a good listener, shower them with praises, when they are moody, let them be alone, have their space and do not rush to giving them solutions for everything.
Teenagers also live to do something for the country, so according to their strength who h could be singing, poetry, drawing, painting, craft etc, make a memory of the lockdown.
Make a creative scrapbook, or song, or movie of pictures and videos from day one till day 40 and make it viral.
Encourage your teenagers also to share what they feel the world can do.
This is not a good time to advice them how to make the most of this opportunity of being home and how much they can learn and make up or catch up on their lost time in studies or learn some hobbies etc. This can create guilt and guilt always boomerangs back in the form of temper tantrums, moodiness and listlessness.
What is very important is you as parents also practice pranayam, meditation and keep your tone positive, your attitude calm and your words full of encouragement.
Both parents need to help each other to keep some time and also sit and talk away from their teenagers on how they are coping and managing.
It is ok to talk to each other about the anger you are feeling at times.
That is call venting out. Be your own Counselors.
You may of course reach out
Write to salmaprabhu7@gmail.com
Comments
K g Gupta.
Your advise and suggestions at this juncture are invaluable...wonderful contribution Salma