Family needs listening skills and less of advice.
FAMILY NEEDS LISTENING SKILLS AND LESS ADVICE
Since the first lock down we have completed a week now and everyone is doing great as of now. Well almost everyone.
We have a day to look forward to and everyone is dreaming about resuming to their normal lives. Like resuming work, resuming shopping, walks, gyms etc. At the same time there is an apprehension that God knows how much time it will take.
All the above leads to a lot of anxiety and worry and during this time it is quite possible that tempers flare, misunderstandings happen, harsh words are spoken then regretted. In this scenario, What is required is more of listening and less of advising.
In the next week or after that the joy of being together at home and doing things together may start to wear off. While some family members may feel that it is good to have everyone home, some may feel that their sanctity has been disturbed. Children who are happy to see their parents home may start feeling the brunt of too many advices, teenagers would be going through a tough time.
In such a situation one of the most effective skill we can develop is listening skill. Listening skill is one of the major technique in micro and macro counseling skills. When I teach counseling, I spend a lot of time and help develop practical knowledge as this is like the foundation of counseling.
Listening and not judging, not forming an opinion, not giving advice is one of the distinguishing trait which separates a counselor from others who are not trained for counseling.
It is said that any habit can be learnt or unlearnt in the 21 days.
So let us all become good listeners and make it a permanent feature as this will not just help with the family situation, but will fetch you great results when you resume your routine again.
Let me also add one more step here. Listening, not judging and just responding with a reflection of feeling.
For example
Your wife says "I am fed up of cooking the entire day"
Listen to the entire statement, look at her face and body language, here you are listening to her non verbals also.
Do not go in the solution mode immediately.
Respond "I can imagine how frustrated you are feeling.
Would you like to tell me how I can be of more help"
You have heard, not judged, not jumped to solution giving mode, and you have reflected on how she feels.
Another example
Teenage daughter to her mother
"I am missing my friends, it is really getting on my nerves now to sit at home"
Response
Listening with total calmness, no judgement or advice like "why don't you read"
Just look in her eyes and say softly
"I can understand what you are going through, you must be feeling so helpless"
No suggestions required, nothing more required.
You shall soon notice how good
everyone feels when we just listen and not give solutions or try to come to the rescue.
Since the first lock down we have completed a week now and everyone is doing great as of now. Well almost everyone.
We have a day to look forward to and everyone is dreaming about resuming to their normal lives. Like resuming work, resuming shopping, walks, gyms etc. At the same time there is an apprehension that God knows how much time it will take.
All the above leads to a lot of anxiety and worry and during this time it is quite possible that tempers flare, misunderstandings happen, harsh words are spoken then regretted. In this scenario, What is required is more of listening and less of advising.
In the next week or after that the joy of being together at home and doing things together may start to wear off. While some family members may feel that it is good to have everyone home, some may feel that their sanctity has been disturbed. Children who are happy to see their parents home may start feeling the brunt of too many advices, teenagers would be going through a tough time.
In such a situation one of the most effective skill we can develop is listening skill. Listening skill is one of the major technique in micro and macro counseling skills. When I teach counseling, I spend a lot of time and help develop practical knowledge as this is like the foundation of counseling.
Listening and not judging, not forming an opinion, not giving advice is one of the distinguishing trait which separates a counselor from others who are not trained for counseling.
It is said that any habit can be learnt or unlearnt in the 21 days.
So let us all become good listeners and make it a permanent feature as this will not just help with the family situation, but will fetch you great results when you resume your routine again.
Let me also add one more step here. Listening, not judging and just responding with a reflection of feeling.
For example
Your wife says "I am fed up of cooking the entire day"
Listen to the entire statement, look at her face and body language, here you are listening to her non verbals also.
Do not go in the solution mode immediately.
Respond "I can imagine how frustrated you are feeling.
Would you like to tell me how I can be of more help"
You have heard, not judged, not jumped to solution giving mode, and you have reflected on how she feels.
Another example
Teenage daughter to her mother
"I am missing my friends, it is really getting on my nerves now to sit at home"
Response
Listening with total calmness, no judgement or advice like "why don't you read"
Just look in her eyes and say softly
"I can understand what you are going through, you must be feeling so helpless"
No suggestions required, nothing more required.
You shall soon notice how good
everyone feels when we just listen and not give solutions or try to come to the rescue.
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